The suffering of children has been on my mind to varying degrees and at different periods for the past decade. I’ve had to deal with suffering children as a parent, as a pastor, as a pastor-parent combination (I’ll explain that in a later post), and now in the orphanage connected with my work in rural Kenya.
My wife and I have five children. Two were diagnosed with Type1 Diabetes (T1D) and two were diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis (CF). Two years ago, we wrestled through the prospect of taking our children to live in rural Africa, where we now live. Here in the bush, we see suffering every day.
The idea of children suffering, however, has been brought before me again more recently. Just this weekend I brought my own little boy home from a hospital in Nairobi after a week there suffering from a virus, which developed into a blood infection.
I have returned this afternoon from the funeral of one of the infant boys from the orphanage. I picked his little body up from the mortuary this morning and took it to his great-grandfather’s home place, where we buried him. His story is particularity sad. Fifteen distant relatives, who had never met the boy, gathered for a brief service. His mother is in prison and his grandfather has just recently been released after a twenty-year prison sentence.
So why do children suffer? Or, to phrase it in a way that many people put it, why does God allow children to suffer?
Let’s first consider suffering in a general context. W. G. T. Shedd, the American theologian identified three kinds of suffering—chastisement, punishment, and calamity. Chastisement comes to the believer from a heavenly Father, by way of discipline, instruction, and guidance (Hebrews 12:6). Punishment is judicial, it satisfies justice and is always associated with guilt. Calamity is more general, and it affects all humanity because of the fall. Calamity is the “thorns and thistles” of life, spoken of in Genesis 3:18. It is a law of nature in a fallen world, just as “sparks fly upward” (Job 5:7).
It is in this context that we must understand the suffering of children. It is important for Christians to understand that the suffering of a child is not a judgment on the parents (cf. Luke 13:1-5; John 9:1-3) and it is not necessarily chastisement. Many parents’ grief is intensified by the lingering lie that God is punishing them for some past sin. This is not so—the believer’s punishment has been completed in Christ.
As we look at the suffering of children in Scripture a number of aspects emerge to help us understand something of the mystery of suffering.
First, the suffering of children teaches us that sin is merciless. The suffering of a child more than anything else magnifies the cruelty of sin and amplifies the groans of creation. We see the brevity of life when the most vibrant become weakened with sickness and death. We see the uncertainty of life when those with the most potential are brought down, and when death takes advantage of the most vulnerable, we see the cruelty of sin. The Lord Jesus Himself was witness to this when he met the boy with the unclean spirit. The story in Mark 9:17-29 has a number of lessons, not the least of which is the cruelty of sin.
Spend some time in the pediatric ward of any hospital and you will understand something about this. Last week my wife spent a couple of nights in the ICU ward at Gertrude’s Hospital in Nairobi. On the first night there, the doctors worked to save the life of a little girl, as the mother fainted to the floor. She passed away, despite the attempts to save her and her mother lay for an hour talking to her lifeless little girl. Sin and Satan have no mercy.
Second, sickness and especially the death of a child provide an environment for the Gospel presentation—in the house of mourning “the living will lay it to heart” (Ecclesiastes 7:2).
Long-term suffering, like a chronic illness in a child, provides an early opportunity to speak to them of sin and the Great Physician. We have found in our home, that sickness gives perspective to life. In an environment of sickness and suffering, school and sports, careers and wealth are not the focus of life. The family is concentrated on the health of the child and, in a Christian home, with spiritual realities. The fall, sin, and sickness are visibly illustrated daily, and it becomes continually an opportunity to speak of the gospel, and of that place where there is no sickness or sorrow, where tears are wiped away and where everything is made perfect.
Very often a parent can look back and recognize the greater good in the calamities of life. There are testimonies throughout Scripture. Jacob said, “all these things are against me” but later understood as Joseph put it, “God meant it for good”(Genesis 50:20). Think also of the parents of Moses, who watched their little son was taken from them (Exodus 2:2f), but later saw the nation of Israel redeemed from Egypt. There is a hidden world in the ways and workings of God that we are not aware of. We will never know the wealth of spiritual activity that is worked in one who witnesses the sickness or the death of a child—“all things are working together for good.”
Third, the suffering of children is an instrument for the sanctification of parents. Sometimes as parents we can find more joy in our children than is spiritually healthy for us—we get our eyes off the giver and on the gift.
The Lord often then works with the parents through the children. The child is resilient, he/she does not ask the same questions and are generally more accepting of life. In the uncomplicated mind of a child, suffering is not as mentally or emotionally torturous as it is in an adult. An adult has a lot more dots to connect, a lot more questions, and more angles to approach the problems from. It is often harder therefore for the parent watching the child suffer than it is for the child who is actually suffering. In other words, it is the parent and not the child who is being forced to exercise faith, to examine life, to seek answers and to find comfort.
As I thought of this I began to see, more and more, how that the Lord used children to develop the faith of the parent in the Scriptures. This seems to be a predominant feature of sickness and death among children in Scripture—the exercise of parental faith. We see this in the Syrophoenician women (Mark 7:24-30; Matthew 15:21-28), the widow of Zarephath (1 Kings 17:8-24), Jacob (Genesis 42:36 cf. 46:2-4) Job (Job 1:21 cf.42:5) and many others. It is also interesting, in the childhood sufferings of Jesus that Mary and Joseph are being exercised in faith (Luke 2:19).
Finally, the grace of God can sanctify an affliction and make us a blessing though, and because of, our affliction—we can become the “wounded healer.” The Bible tells us that Christ’s ability to comfort is grounded in his identity with the sufferer—“He is touched with the feeling of our infirmities” (Hebrews 4:15). The same is true on a human level. The Lord uses those whom he sanctifies through suffering to succor and encourage others in their suffering. Those who have felt the pain of death have been given a ministry to the bereaved. Those who have spent long dark nights at the bedside of a sick child have been given a gift that only grace can develop. Those whom the thorns and thistles of life have wounded are the best suited to be healers.
If through the deep waters He cause us to go,
The rivers of grief shall not overflow;
And He will be with us in troubles to bless,
And sanctify to us our deepest distress.
Wow! I was so blessed when I read this! Our earthly existence is truly but a journey to the heavenly
city where all suffering shall cease. Oh to have eyes to see the purpose God has for us while we’re
here. Thank you for sharing!
Mona Schreyack
Thanks, Al and Mona, for your encouraging comments.
“all things are working together for good.” is becoming harder and harder to have faith in these days. For my wife and I, having to watch our son suffer daily from a chronic illness for the past 4 years. We have no support or help from the medical community (they just don’t have the answers…) so we’ve had to go it alone for all these years. Praying and begging God for healing seems to fall on deaf ears and we feel no real comfort or closeness or assured-ness from God. As lifelong Christians it’s weakened our faith tremendously though never gone. It really hits home when a 10 year old wishes for life to be over because of the suffering. We’re tired of the canned Christian responses…. We know this must have a reason for good but we don’t see it and fear we never will. Why does he allow our child to suffer for so long and when we cry out to Him…. we still feel so alone.
Brother, human words are hollow in the midst of such suffering, and I know that longevity in suffering is an agony all of its own. The Psalmist asked more than once “how long O Lord…” We may never know the reason/s why, and I’m not sure we need to know why. The Lord has not promised to disclose all the information we want. I am not saying it is wrong to ask and reason these things (Jesus himself asked “why…” on the cross) but many people try to see the reason for these things, and the lack of clarity only compounds the problem and adds to the pain. Also, the reason why could be as simple as to make us more aware of the power and presence of God as we lean on Him. I’ve discovered that we miss so much because we are looking for the complicated and elaborate, rather than accepting the simple and mundane right before our eyes. Brother, if you want to send me an email, we can continue correspondence, as my time permits. In Christ, Aaron.
Why does God permit us to suffer as a baby, toddler, child, teenager, young adult, & elderly until the end of our lives?
Hey, is there any update on your child? Ive prayed for him too.
Hi Ben, yes, my children are doing well thanks. The Lord has been merciful. Aaron
I UNDERSTAND THE GRIEF OF A PARENT WHEN A CHILD IS SICK OR DEAH OF SICKNESS. I AM STILL NOT UNDERSTANDING WHY THE LORD WOULD HAVE A CHILD SUFFER THROUGH RAPE , SODOMIZATION AND ABUSE. WHERE IS THAT SAID FOR THE CHILD OF GOD. WHY WOULD AN INNOCENT CHILD HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT PAIN TO TEACH US THAT THIS WORLD IS MESSED UP
Hi Pauline, thanks for getting in touch. We have to remember that “innocence” is relative. All of us, children included, are part of the bigger picture of a fallen creation, groaning under the weight of sin and waiting for the redemption of the body (Romans 8:18ff). The blog post is broader than our own dealings with childhood suffering, it includes, as I suggest in the blog, the suffering of orphans. The image in the blog post of the little boy in the casket was one of the boys in our orphanage. I met his mother in prison for murdering his sibling. This little guy was developmentally compromised because of his mother’s lifestyle. Other children in the orphanage of 180 children had similar stories. Horrific.
To get to your point more directly, re. the suffering of “innocent” children really brings home;
1. the mercilessness of Satan.
2. The extent of the corruption and effects of sin
2. The vulnerability of children
3. The glorious gospel to deliver us from the power of Satan and sin.
Thank you so much for sharing. I heard some disturbing child abuse news on a podcast and it made me so sad, angry and confused. I googled “why does God allow innocent children to suffer?” And your website came up. It comforted me and reminded me that I should be so incredibly grateful that my children are healthy and safe in their own home. Thank you for giving me a bit of understanding and peace. I don’t know how you do what you do. I’m sure it’s through all God’s mighty power that you have the strength that you have.
Thank you Alice, I appreciate your kind words, and I am thankful that this was helpful to you.
In His grace
Aaron
I was a child of extreme abuse and often wondered what did I do to deserve it? I have looked to scripture and found no answers, only that god gave us free will. I still don’t truly understand why it wasn’t stopped or how could any god sit silently and allow this to happen to me? Please explain what god was doing to protect me?
Chris
You are the child of a King, your Heavenly Father has the most beautiful plans for you, it is only evil that tries to prevent that beautiful plan from happening. Remember how God converted a murderer almost instantly? That’s how quickly you can change as a result of the Holy Spirit working in you and that is a gift not something that is earned or reserved for holy people. Satan does not want that and has residence in those who abused you and through that abuse and damage to you and your spirit he hopes to perpetuate his evil. Although Satan has control and rule over this world, this world is finite, it’s a short chapter and know that the battle has already been won. Nothing, NOTHING can come between YOU and the love of your Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ our Lord who died to show us this and Free us from eternal damnation. But Satan doesn’t want this for us. In the name of Jesus Christ and by His blood I command Satan to leave you and pray that God’s strong angels gather and protect you. You can command him to leave you alone in Jesus’ mighty name, you are a new person in Jesus Christ AMEN PRAISE GOD!
Hi there!
I came across your page after searching “why does God allow children to suffer”. And I now know I came across it for a reason. Our toddler was diagnosed with T1d at the age of 2. He is now 4. And this whole page just spoke directly to me. God knew I needed this and He is so good all the time. Thank you for what you and your family are doing. May God bless you and keep you. – Love from Texas
Hi Chelsea, sorry for the delay, I’ve not been checking my comments for some time. I’m glad this has been a help. You are welcome to contact my wife if you like … it is sometimes helpful to compare notes. Every blessing in Christ. Aaron.
All this does is talk in circles!!!!!!!!! My son died of a heart attack at age 32. A wonderful young man. Non of these biblical so called explanations make since!!!! I once was a believer!!! Not anymore!!! Why would a so called loving god let an innocent baby or child die!!! They say pray and he will answer!!! Really!???? Why would a living god heal some and not an innocent child???
Still doesn’t answer my ? How can a supposedly loving God allow a child to be buried alive and not take her soul when she is suffering hell when she wakes up in the darkness alone in horror
Hi Philip, I’m not sure of the context of your comment. Are you speaking of a specific event or child?
However, I will say this as I read many of the comments on this post. We tend to judge God on specific events, and difficult and heart wrenching experiences, rather than being guided by broader biblical principles, about who God is, and the sinful condition of humanity.
Dear Aaron,
You are insane. Your rationalizing is idiotic. Please get help.
Hi Eddie, my first response is to ask you for help. How can you help me understand where I’m going wrong?
Hi Aaron,
Thank you for sharing your own personal experiences in this area and your Christian perspective regarding hurting children. Your faith is encouraging to me as I’ve struggled all my life to understand this topic of hurting children (regarding my own childhood). I am ashamed to say that I blamed God for my suffering for so long, but did not recognize that Satan was behind it all. I’m now trying to nurture a closer relationship with God as I know he is for us and not against us. I believe personal suffering is one of the main tactics Satan uses to turn people away from Christ. Thank you for keeping the faith and being an encouragement to us reading your story.
Hi Pamela, thanks for the note and keep the big picture of God’s sovereign plan before you. The end will reveal all, and bring in the reign of glorious peace.